This is a public service announcement. Ladies, stop doing the “Gully Creeper” in town!
Wondering what that is? Glad you asked. By now I am sure you have a clue what “Gully Creeper” is, if you don’t, don’t sweat it, you are in good hands.
“Gully Creeper” is a ragga dancing style where the dancer strikes a pose like they are creeping. It was popularized by none other than Usain Bolt.
So what do women have to do with a style associated with Usain Bolt? Again, I’m glad you asked.
There is this craze about extra high heels with women. Some look gorgeous while others are a complete disaster. The latter are the ones who do the Gully Creeper.
Ever seen a woman walk like she is stepping on nails, has this constipated look on her face and her walking style is, well, gully creeping?
Just look at what she is wearing and you will find your answer. Women have this thing about following fashion that’s straight out of Cosmopolitan magazine.
I once saw a woman on the phone – must have been her boyfriend on the other side and he was asking that they meet at one of Nairobi’s most popular meeting places. No, not Tea Room, 20th Century building.
She was totally pissed. She was screaming on the phone asking the boy to come to where she was -- Kimathi Street.
I am not one to eavesdrop but I understood why she was angry. Her heels almost reached her knees. They were extra high like those worn by strippers. Don’t ask how I know that.
Her knees were awkwardly bent and, with every step she took, I could swear she hoped it would be her last but no, she had to keep moving and now the man in her life wanted her to walk an extra 400 metres. Such a mean guy!
To make matters worse, one of her heels got stuck in a crack in the pavement and she had to hop around, balancing herself on one long heel.
Women are a strong breed to put themselves through one long heel day after day. They even have some sandals in those “self-contained” handbags for such emergencies!
Scientists have forever warned of back problems later in life for women who balance themselves on needles but to them, that’s a small price to pay for looking like Beyonce, right?
OK, here’s a pointer. Don’t copy Beyonce, she is chauffeur-driven everywhere she goes and doesn’t walk the length of the Globe Cinema Roundabout to Afya Centre every day on those nine-inch heels like most of you!
But, for comedic purposes, continue wearing them. They make my day.