Monday, March 22, 2010

Ramblings of a "single" mind

Now that pigs have since flown thanks to "Swine Flu,"
Would I still have to wait until Pigs fly
Going by the rate of obesity in the world,
Would I still have to wait until the fat lady sings
With Iran and North Korea building nukes,
Would I stand a chance with you if I was really the last man on earth,
I know its your life,
But would I attract yours even if my life really depended on it

Global warming is melting the arctics,
Do I still stand a snow balls chance in hell
Still on the change of climates,
Do I still have to wait until it snows in summer
And what are the chances that Hell will freeze over
Vegetarians are on the rise,
Do I still have to wait until the cows come home

You told me to go to hell, and your still here,
Does that mean you followed me
I told you to get lost,
But I came looking for you
You said we are like two peas in a pod,
More like two beans in a pot, boiling
They say like poles repel,
We are more like two poles rebel

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I am a dream away from being your nightmare

I am that breath
that just won't go through your nostrils
I am that last sight
before blindness creeps in
I am that lover
who introduced you to hate

I am that piece of vegetable
that sticks in your teeth
I am that breeze
that turns into a chill
I am that extra air through your windpipe
that gets you to choke
I am that extra fat
that clogs your arteries

I am that extra line
that destroys a compliment
I am that dream
that you let turn into a regret
I am that "one last beer"
that causes you to crash
I am that "one last dip"
that brings you AIDS

I am that poop
that stinks up the whole house
I am that drop of rain
when you walking out of the salon
I am that gush of wind
that send your sunny dress flying
I am that step you miss going down

I am that fly
that won't close in public
I am that technical hitch
during a live broadcast
I am that writers block
when you are filing a story
I am that loose button
that pops when you sneeze

Yes, I am a dream away from being your nightmare

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

How I Met Your Mother... On Facebook

The year is 2030. Majority of the youth today will be parents and the obvious question from the former bundle of joy turned home-made terrorist comes: "How did you meet mom?"

The resulting facial expression depends on three things; If he was forced to marry after the two month old girlfriend got pregnant and didn't even know where she came from, if he married for love only or if both mom and dad had hit the dreaded 30's and needed to sire ASAP.

The kind of expression is that of nostalgia, reminiscing about the days he was a "free man" and how much fun he had until he checked into lock down. Being the era of Facebook and Twitter, I can bet my salary majority of the marriages will have been made possible by the two social media networks.

The year was 2010, he starts, there was this thing called Facebook. (The kid looks at him wondering with amazement because FB will be so "yesterday" at that time and chuckles)

As I was saying, it was 2010 and I was on Facebook going through my friends pictures and I saw this girl holding a bottle of Smirnoff Ice Black screaming so loudly, I could see her thorax, she was really pretty so I tagged myself to that picture.

I figured out who she was and I clicked on her link and sent her a "friend request" with a simple message, "Hi, I think you are pretty".

She did not accept my request immediately, infact she waited for six months before she agreed. (At this point, the mother walks in and explains the delay)

He had this shady profile picture and we only had two friends in common and I didn't know the other two. I went to his pictures and saw he had tagged himself in one of the pictures and I thought he was a stalker like many men back then so I waited until we had several friends in common who I asked about him.

Immediately I accepted his request, he wrote on my wall "Thanks for the add". Surely, how blonde can someone be, we used to have something called "Inbox" which was private. But that was not the worst thing, he had subscribed to some "Gift" applications that kept throwing pillows, snowball cats, chocolates and flowers at me!

(He looks embarrassed but takes over the story) I kept poking her but she never poked me back or even send one of those virtual gifts I kept sending her way.
(Mother) Worst thing was he was always the first person to comment on my status updates every single time. I would write "Bored" and he would be there two seconds later, "What's wrong hun?"

I even put a dot on the status, he would still comment and even "like" it. I thought he was psycho! He was all over my wall and pictures he practically owned my FB account.
(Father) I was a consistent man and I knew if I kept entertaining her, she would respond and she did.

We set up a date and went to Java where she came with three of her friends. They asked for the most expensive stuff there that I only took a pot of tea which was cheaper.

We then started hanging out and then one day she was pregnant and guess who was the daddy?

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