Thursday, October 22, 2009
A POLITICIANS GUIDE TO THE HAGUE
In two weeks time, one Mr Louis Moreno Ocampo lands in Kenya ready to take back with him some of the perpetrators of the Post Election Violence. These are the big shots, those who funded the violence and whatnot.
Ocampo looks like a guy from a horror flick, very scary and intimidating and he does sound serious about introducing some few errant Kenyan politicians to camp Hague. So when he lands, you can bet there will be some people packing up for the nine hour trip to Europe.
Since we won't have time to bid them farewell or even get to find out where they will residing. Many might also be caught by surprise that they are leaving with Mr Ocampo. This means, they won't have enough time to prepare and do the pre-travel arrangements like checking out their destination and things to do.
So, being the good guy that I am, I thought it would be appropriate to post for them a "Politicians guide to the Hague". You see, Hague is not a courtroom, its a town located in the centre of Europe, between London, Frankfurt, Berlin, Paris and Rotterdam-- the world's largest port.
Kenya Airways and KLM operate flights from Kenya to the Netherlands regularly and as many of you (politicians) are used to traveling, you can get there using the Flying Blue air mile card.
Once you land, there will be no need to use public transportation, Mr Ocampo will have sorted that out for you and because you are a "Mheshimiwa" you will even have armed security to your "hotel".
Mr Kenyan politician, you need to know that The Hague is also known as the 'City of Peace and Justice' which was lain in 1899, when the world's first-ever Peace Conference took place.
It is the third largest city in the Netherlands after Amsterdam and Rotterdam, with a population of 485,818 excluding your honorable self. It is quite a melting pot, both literally (as is your case) and figuratively. All foreign embassies and government ministries are located in the city.
As to where you will be residing, The International Criminal Court, also known as the ICC. If you don't know by now, this is a permanent tribunal to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression. If you are on that flight with Ocampo, you are accused of having done one of the above.
You won't be lonely while at the Hague, Liberian President Charles Taylor has been there for quite some time now and its very possible he "runs the Hague cells". Be on his good side and you will well.
I hope you have watched Prison Break first season. This is because Taylor may approach you and offer you his pocket lining. Don't ask questions, just grab it and you will be safe.
If not, then please listen carefully, DO NOT DROP THE SOAP!
So long Mr Politician. Enjoy your trip and stay and hope to never see you again!